November

The whole family was going through a hard time and that was plain to see beyond our four-walled protecting shell of a home.

In an attempt to cheer everyone up, we decided to spend Thanksgiving in Dallas with all of our family. Feeling so alone beyond the four of us, we drove to Texas over night so, not only could I sleep, but also so we could get there as soon as possible without missing any Thanksgiving action.

We got down to my aunt and uncle's house and were immediately showered in love and treated like princesses and princes. The four days that we had spent in Dallas surrounded by our loved ones was the best I had felt. It was as if the humidity and nice weather had let the pain melt and just evaporate out of my body.

I was still tired and still feeling pain, but not to the severity that I had in the past few months. I could get out and walk around the property. I was able to go shopping on my mom's birthday, and even get out with my cousins. It was the first time I had felt any sense of pain relief that had been shackling me down since May.

When I got back home, the pain slowly returned to the same. Every day I yearned to go back to my own private haven that's given me more relief than some of the strongest pain medication that I'd been prescribed through the months.

All I wanted was relief or some sense of understanding and help through what I was going through, but as the months dragged on that relief seemed further and further away. If I had to go back and stay in Dallas for help, so be it. Where I was now was not healthy. Being alone, imprisoned by this pain was taking its toll on both my physical and mental health.

I had to keep smiling and believing I'd be okay, but I didn't know when I'd be okay or how many organs I'd be left to be okay with. This was so unfair. I had never done anything bad enough to deserve this and yet I was stuck with it. And no one even knew. Behind my fake lip glossed smile, no one could see the endless nights of crying sprees. But at this point, I didn't know if I'd want them to.

The escape to Dallas was nice, but coming back to my life was a hard reality. It was back to physical therapy, back to acupuncture, back to tutoring, back to the same.

Back to the same.

Back to the same.

Back to the same...