January

I spent the last day of 2011 with my friends, huddled around board games and food in my living room. I felt so good and so full of energy, but not quite back to normal. I knew on this day, that I would be going back to school in only four days and had been doing hyperbaric treatments as well as up to sixteen ounces of Asea every day.

I knew I would be going back, but I wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. Not only did I want to surprise everyone, but in case I wasn't able to actually make it back, I didn't want to let anyone down like I had so many times before now.

The first day of school was nauseating. In a good way. Mostly. I was beyond stressed out and cried when it was time for me to exit my comfort zone and enter school. I felt cold stares as I walked down the hallway, but all the warm smiles and hugs from my friends and people who followed my story on Facebook made it all worth it.

Every day after school I came home and collapsed into the couch, both mentally and physically exhausted. Going back to school was harder than I thought. I'd done all that I could, but I was beginning to see that, that wasn't going to be enough.

I started getting to school later, going for a half day, or even not coming at all. I got a fourth dose of my "menopause shot" and that was it. I was in so much pain, I never came back to school at all. How was it that I had made so much progress only to completely fall back to where I was?

I was getting beyond tired of this.

After several treatment appointments and no help, I went back to my OBGYN, who was turning into my worst nightmare.

Once again, she stared at me with wide, unbelieving eyes and shook her head. She told me that she had never seen this pain and didn't know what to do at this point. Because we had gone and attempted "alternative" treatments, she retaliated by refusing to treat us unless we went to see a pain management doctor, who would pump more fatal drugs into my body.

Once again, we were alone in this, however the team of support I had acquired, assured me that my battle was not over and I would once again be back to health, like I was when I started school.

I did everything I could to avoid it, and yet I was still tortured with this pain. It was beyond unfair, but it was time I put all of my hurt and frustrations into a creative form that wouldn't hurt me, but instead keep me in good spirits.

Thus began my blog.